Ways To Annoy Hogwarts Residents
by Charleigh96
Summary: Hermione and Draco have some fun Annoying people...  My first not dark fic. Just a laugh, Read and Review
1. 1!

Ways to piss off hogwarts students (And Staff)

**1-Parvati And Padma.**

Draco sat in the great hall. He had an idea.

The Patil twins were sitting in the library, on a bench. In between them was two piled of books.

"Wingardium Leviosa" whispered Draco, levitating the gluey signs onto Each girls back. They both read 'Bookends- Buy One Get One Free, Only 5 sickles!'

**2-Professor Flitwick**

Hermione Granger sat, crying, in an empty charms classroom. Flitwick came in, looking startled at her face.

"Oh, Miss Granger, what seems to be the problem?"

"Oh, nothing, Professor."

"Can I help?"

"Well, actually... I was just looking for snow white, have you seen her sir?" She said, hiding her (very Slytherin) smile, as Flitwick turned purple and walked off.

**3- Professor Lupin**

"Oh, Sir! I heard it was your birthday!" said Draco Malfoy, walking up to a suspicious (and rightly so) Professor Lupin.

"Yes..."

"Well, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you... Here you go!" said Draco, Handing lupin a purple box, with a green bow. "Well, got to dash, transfiguration next!" Draco ran off.

Professor lupin opened the box very cautiously. Inside was a flea collar.

**4-Snape**

"You're sure this will work?" said Draco, Looking at Hermione's face, searching it for any kind of doubt.

"Of course. Now, shhh, I'm turning it on." she said, pointing to the video camera in her hands.

They were stood outside the potions room, and Hermione saw the perfect opportunity for filming as Snape turned around, searching for the noise.

~Later That Day (in the room of requirement)~

"What's that?"

"This, Malfoy, Is a computer" said Hermione as she slowed down the footage, and added subtitles.

"It's going to make us Very Popular"

~Next Morning (At breakfast in the great hall)~

Breakfast was interrupted by Draco, who played his part nicely.

"Attention, Everyone. Teachers, Please, I have an important announcement to make!" he said, conjuring up a Massive television all along the wall behind the teachers. "Granger, If you please"

"My Pleasure, Malfoy" she said, gracefully getting up, and loading a disc into the DVD player. She pressed the play button.

Snape came up on the screen. He was facing away, cutting something up. He turned around... Very slowly, his hair billowing out around him. The words "L'Oreal...Because He Needs It!" appeared in bright pink letters on the screen. The whole hall burst into laughter. (A/N Lets say, for the sake of this, that everyone watches muggle TV, okay!)

Snape was not Amused

**5- Draco Malfoy**

Draco was pissed off. Snape had taken happy pills (A/N-Before you flame that, maybe harry put some in his food?) and had spent the whole potions class sitting by Draco and saying:

"Pimp-Cane...Pimp Cane...Pimp Cane...Pimp Cane...How's Your dad? Good Ol' Luscious Mouthful and his faithful PIMP CANE" before falling asleep. He had also shown his artistic skills by drawing Lucius in a pink Gingham dress with plaits. He had drawn himself in a catsuit. With a tail. And ears.

Harry had fainted.

**6- Snape (again)**

(again with the video Camera.)

"Shhh, Draco, I'm waiting... Yeah, got it... Shut up!" Said Hermione, turning the video camera on once again.

"Yes... Nearly there... YES! I HAVE IMMORTALITY!" said Snape

"Draco, press that button, NOW!" Said Hermione.

Draco and Hermione watched and laughed silently, As they filmed the best footage and audio yet.

~Lunch, the great Hall~

"People! Yet another important Announcement!" said Draco, Standing on the slytherin house table. He nodded to Hermione and cast the television charm. Hermione inserted a disc, and pressed play.

The screen filled with Snape, hovering over a bubbling cauldron. He grinned, and started to dance. Half a minute in, Theodore Nott Laughed.

"OH MY GOD! Snape's doing a happy dance!"

And he was. Accompanied by the occasional "Oh, yeah, you still got it Sev" or a "Yeah! I'm in the hotHotHOT" the video-snape danced for five minutes flat.

Snape was STILL not amused.

**7- Snape yet again.**

"Hurry up, Malfoy!" said Hermione.

"You're SURE this is permanent?"

"Yes, hurry up,he's coming!"

And when Snape opened his wardrobe, all his robes had 'I don't shower to conserve water!" written in bright pink.

**8-Umbridge**

"Draco, how did you even get those pictures!" said Hermione, as she and Draco flicked through a pile of about 20 pictures of Umbridge naked.

"My father had them." said Draco, blushing.

"EWW!"

"Yeah, I agree!"

So, Here goes..." said Hermione, putting them in an envelope.

And that was the day Dumbledore received _interesting_ post. He never looked at Umbridge in the same way again.

**9- Hermione Granger**

Draco looked around. There was no-one around. He waved his wand

"Hermione Granger Non Licit" he said in time with the wand. (A/N- Non Licit is "not allowed" in Latin)

He grinned, running away from the library. Oh, She was in for a shock.

**10- Harry Potter**

Harry was pissed off. He was sitting in History of Magic (which was bad enough in itself), and he'd just received his third note from Malfoy. Each one read ' Are your Voldie senses tingling?'. He put head on the desk, and quietly fell asleep.

Hermione was sitting next to Harry, and she noticed he was asleep. She looked at Draco, and grinned Cunningly. He grinned back.

Hermione decided now was the time to show her artistic skills.

Harry Potter walked around for the rest of the week with a Dark Mark, drawn in permanent marker, on his forearm.

A/N- that was fun to write! Sorry for any errors, please don't flame. Does anyone want me to write another chapter?


	2. 2!

**Ways to annoy hogwarts residents... Chapter 2 **This chapter is rated T for suggestive themes, and dumbledore being gay. (and Naked) Oh, and in this one, Harry's helping out.

**11- McGonnagal**

Draco Malfoy levitated the well-wrapped christmas basket to Professor McGonnagal's desk. He laughed quietly to himself.

She opened the basket, revealing several tins of cat food, some cat litter, and a music box that played 'What's New Pussy Cat'

**12- Dumbledore**

Oh, this was going to be fun, thought Hermione. Although it went against her logical reasoning, she rather liked spreading rumours. And watching from afar as every student that passed Dumbledore stopped and said:

"Grindelwald? Has he got a thing for dark wizards? Who next! Voldemort? Snape!"

**13-Flitwick (Yes, Again!)**

Draco walked solemnly up to Professor flitwick.

"I'm Very sorry for your losses, Sir." He said.

"Losses?" asked flitwick.

"Yes, I was told that these two members of your family recently died, sir. Again, I'm Sorry for your losses" Said Draco, Pushing two photos into Flitwick's hands before walking off.

Flitwick looked down at the first Photo. It was Dobby.

The Next Was Yoda.

**14- Dumbledore (includes Lord of The Rings references)**

Again with Hermione and her rumours. She laughed aloud as she heard Draco Ask the headmaster:

"So, Sir, what did you do with Shadowfax?"

**15- Snape (let's be honest, those are the funniest ones!)**

"Neville, Can I borrow you?"

"Uh, Sure Hermione...What for?"

"I need your boggart."

"Ah."

So Hermione, Neville, Draco, and a video camera had a fun afternoon.

~Lunch That Day~

After much persuasion, The boggart had actually complied. Hermione now owed it some first years to scare.

Draco stood up and waved his wand. The TV appeared. Hermione put in the disc.

Snape (the boggart) appeared on the screen.

Accompanied by music, boggart-snape entered his bathroom, and threw every bottle of shampoo or conditioner in the bin.

It then stepped in the shower (fully clothed) and continued to dye it's hair pink. It then polyjuced into McGonnagal, and kissed Dumbledore.

"Ah... I thought that was odd." said Dumbledore.

Snape turned purple. (I mean the real snape gets angry.)

**16- Voldemort (warning-Crack!Lucius)**

Lucius Malfoy was at a death eater meeting. Voldemort was talking about his new plan to defeat harry.

"Sir... this will be impossible." Said Nott.

"No... Think Happy thoughts" said Lucius Everyone looked at him.

"Your concern is duly noted, Lucius. Now, Here is written documentation for each of you." said the Dark lord as he handed out paper.

"My Lord... Have you got a red pen?"

"Um... Here you go, Lucius. Why?"

"Well..." he crossed out about 5 words "You've got _serious_ spelling problems, sir." said Lucius as he stared at the stunned faces around him.

**17- Snape**

The gryffs and Slytherins were in potions. Hermione (as usual) had her hand up to answer a question.

"Yes, miss Granger?" said snape

"Uh, Beozar... Um, Sir..."

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Are you _really_ as bad in bed as Harry says you are?"

Snape stormed off.

So did Harry

**18- Ron**

"Shhh... He'll Wake up!" said Harry as (acting on hermione's orders), he whispered a spell and pointed his wand at Ron.

"Done?" asked Dean.

"Yep. This'll be good!" Said Harry, knowing what memory he had just put in Ron's head.

Hermione had given him one of her more...Intimate... moments with Malfoy. Oh, Ron was going to have a funny dream!

**19- Dumbledore **

"And, this year, we want to promote house unity, as always..." droned Dumbledore, as he gave his beginning of year speech. (A/N- They've gone back in time!)

"Remember the spell?" said Harry (he's in on the pranks too.)

"Yep!" said Hermione. "_Maneant" _She said, waving her wand.

And Mysteriously, In the middle of his speech, All of dumbledores clothed dissapeared.

**20- Ginny**

"Uh, Hermione? How many of those did you buy?" asked Draco, as Hermione walked out of the bookshop. (A/N- they're in hogsmede)

"Lots"

"Ok..."

"Not for me... I'm going to annoy Ginny."

"Ah!"

~Next Morning~

Ginny was eating breakfast. Her owl came over, carrying an enormous parcel.

"OOH!" she squealed. She opened the box.

10 black leather diaries fell out, each with 'TMR' written on the back.

A/N- Yes, I am aware that in the books/films the diary had 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' written on it, but Hermione didn't want to scar Ginny.

REVIEW! Another chapter?


	3. 3! Snape

Ways To Annoy Hogwarts Residents Chapter 3. rated T for Bollocks and bananas

This one's all about Snape. Everyone seems to like watching fate (or writers) piss on Snape, so here's ten ways to annoy snape.

**1- Moveri Paribus**

"Ready, Granger?"

"As Always, Malfoy." she grinned. "_Moveri Paribus_"

The class (both slytherin and Gryffindors) let out a collective gasp as Snape's Underwear removed itself from his person, and started jumping around the class.

No-One should have to know that Snape wears little mermaid y-fronts.

**2- Homework Time.**

"So, Malfoy? Managed to learn Snape's Handwriting yet?"

"Of course. And.. Oh, look... I _accidentally_ went into his office and stole our class' homework."

"Excellent. Whose shall we start with?"

"Weasel." Said Draco, writing on Ron's Homework. Hermione looked over his shoulder and saw '_Very Bad, Ronniekins. Meet me in the room of requirement for..._punishment_...at 8:00 tonight."_

Hermione snorted. It was the exact replica of Snape's handwriting.

"How about...this?" asked Draco, Taking Harry's homework and marking it with...'_well...let's just say this was worse that you in bed last night... and that's saying something.'_ "How about removing their memories from last night too?" he suggested.

"Malfoy! Harry's on _our side_!"

"Yes, but if we miss him out, Snape'll think it was Potter that wrote it!

"Ugh... Okay then. Make sure you do yours and mine... Miss out Pansy and Daphne's"

"Okay..." He paused to write '_why do I bother with you, Longbottom? Go play in the traffic.'_ On Neville's, and _'I know your secret, Zabini. I saw you and Potter in that broom cupboard.' _on Blaise's

"Leave a note to Snape."

"Yeah, Okay" said Draco, writing on a clean sheet of parchment (in VERY girly handwriting)

_Dear Sevvie-poo,_

_We took the trouble to mark our class' homework for you. The blaise-and-potter thing is actually true._

_Signed,_

_Daphne Greengrass & Pansy Parkinson._

_P.S... If you ever..._need..._us, you only have to ask._

The next potions lesson, they had to deal with a** very **confused snape.

**3- Doppelganger**

"Oh, this is gonna be SO fun!" squeeled Hermione.

"Yeah..." said Draco, waving his wand under the table and pointing it at Lavender Brown.

Her hair grew shorter, her face changed, and her robes turned black.

She was a mini-Snape.

She opened her mouth to speak. All that came out was:

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."

"Yes...ARGH!" said Snape

**4-Pet Names.**

"We're going to need to inform our whole class for this one..." said Draco.

"Okay..."

~Later that day (just before potions)~

"Everyone! Right. You everyone who calls Snape Cuddles for the whole of this lesson gets 50 house points." Yelled Draco above the din.

~during Potions~

"Good Day, Class."

"Good Day, Cuddles."

*Snape Faints*

**5- Curoius**

Hermione put her hand up in class.

"Uh... Professor... Um..."

"Spit It out, Miss Granger!"

"Would you call yourself Emo or Goth, Sir?"

**6- Spam**

Draco felt an impending sense of doom. Snape was hovering over him. Ah. Hence the doom. Snape stared at him for five minutes.

Draco Looked at Hermione. She nodded. He looked at snape again, before lifting his arm up and hitting his professor in the forehead with the palm of his hand. Snape toppled backwards.

"SPAM!" he yelled.

"Detention, Mr Malfoy." said Snape from his position on the floor.

**7- The Game**

"Do you know what the game is Severus?" asked Dumbledore.

"No, Sir."

"Well, it is a game, where the aim is to forget the game. Whenever you remember it, you have to shout 'I Lost The Game.' Oh, and once you know about it, you start playing." Dumbledore explained.

"Ah" said Snape.

Malfoy smirked from his place behind the door. This was going to be fun.

~Next Potions Lesson~

"Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"THE GAME!"

"Bollocks. I just lost the game, Mr Malfoy."

"You're playing a game with Bollocks, Sir?" asked a very confused Harry. Hermione grinned. This was better than planned.

"I didn't know you swing that way, sir!" said Parvati Patil.

"No, I was playing with dumbledore-" Draco anticipated what snape was going to say. He stepped on his foot, knowing Snape's favorite curse word. "BOLLOCKS"

"You were playing with _dumbledores Bollocks, _Sir?" said Hermione, imagining the rumours.

"Buggery" said Snape The class started laughing.

"Was that with Dumbledore, too, sir?" Asked Draco.

Snape walked out of the lesson.

**8-Is it a bird? No, it's a flying Greaseball...that doesn't fly...**

"Ready, Granger?"

"Naturally. _Arta Cutis"_ She said, Waving her wand at Snape just as Dumbledore walked in.

Snape's clothes had changed into a skin-tight superman costume.

"Well, Sevster. I really didn't know you liked me that much." said Dumbledore, pointing to a bulge in his trousers.

"WHAT?" said Snape, looking down. Sure enough, there was a bulge. "Oh, this... This is a banana." (by this time, the class was in hysterics.)

"Yes, Sevster. Is it about time we talked about the birds and the bees?" said Dumbledore

"No, Headmaster, it really is just a banana." Snape reached into his pockets, and pulled out a banana.

"This'll be all around the school tomorrow." said Draco.

He got a smack round the head for his troubles.

**9-(for the dwarfers out there...boys from the dwarf shakes hands *lister-style*)**

"And you've had half your time on this written potions test..." said Snape.

Draco was scribbling extremeley fast. He suddenly got up, gave an extended salute (rimmer-style) and fainted.

Snape got up and looked at his test.

In black ink, written no less than 500 times was...

'I Am A Fish'

"No You Are NOT! Someone take him to the hospital wing!"

**10- Hang in there!**

Draco and Hermione wore Balaclavas and black clothes. They burst into the great hall and ran up to the staff table.

"Wingardium Leviosa" Shouted Draco, pointing his wand at Snape. He levitated**. **

Hermione created magical chains, and chained him to one of the many chandeleirs.

Draco magically removed his clothes.

No-One in the hall ever fully mentally recovered.

**A/N-** I owe 3, 4 and 8 to .

You like?

Should I write more?

Should I do a mix, or another one-character?

REVIEW!


	4. 4 Also Snape

Ways To Annoy Hogwarts Residents Chapter 4. rated T for the f word.

A/N- Okay, so the last chapter was a Snape one. They're so good, I love Snape-Bashing. So...Another fate-pisses-on-Snape chapter! Enjoy!

**11- Party!**

"Have you done the ceiling fans yet, Draco?" Hermione asked. They were all (Draco, Hermione and Harry) in the potions classroom, and it was ten minutes until their lesson.

"No. Potter can do them."

"'Kay." said Harry from his place on the floor.

"Draco, you hang these. Two or three on every window, and some on the ceiling- Oh! The cake's done!" *gets cake put of the oven and ices it with _Happy Birthday Sevster _*

"Ready, Hermione?" asked Draco, his wand to his dark mark. (A/N- It's just for this story, Okay? I'm sorry, but its the only logical explanation for the next bit.)

"Right Harry, when the death eaters appear, you Imperio Avery, Mulciber, Malfoy's Dad and Karkaroff. I'll take Nott, and the three Lestranges, Malfoy, summon them, then take the dark lord."

"Right. 1...2...3...NOW" shouted Draco. All the death eaters appeared. There was an almighty struggle.

When Snape went in to teach his seventh-year students, he found the floor covered with rose petals (that's what Harry was doing), Balloons littered the walls and ceiling, and lace doilys covered the desks. The class was already in and sat down. There were a dozen or so death eaters, including the dark lord, who all sang him a happy birthday, before cutting the cake, and having a pleasant conversation about the politics of south korea.

A/N- That's a lesson I would LOVE to be in. Oh, and I credit cookiechainsaw's brother with the south korea bit.

**12- Things that laugh in the night.**

Hermione was in Snape's room, on his bed, in the middle of the night. Get your minds out of the gutter. She had a red pen in her hand. She was drawing a lightning bolt-shaped scar on his head.

Draco was giving him a haircut. And wash. He'd even remembered the sticky-up bit at the back.

And so, that day, Severus Snape went around Hogwarts as a Harry Potter Lookalike.

**13- The Pipes. (**for dwarfers)

Hermione and Draco had persuaded Dumbledore to run hogwarts like a muggle school for a week. They had designed all the pipework, the water pipes, sewage, etc...

Of course, the pipes had to run through Snapes room.

It was 1 am. Snape lay in bed.

_NureeeeeK_

"Shut UP! Just shut the HELL UP!"

_ruuutoooooooT_

"ARGH!" Snape hit the pipes with a spanner. "SHUT" hit "THE" hit "HELL" hit "UP" hit "YOU" hit "STUPID" hit "PIPES"hit..."I'M" hit "GOING" hit "TO" hit "KILL" hit "THOSE" hit "BLOODY" hit "KIDS" hit.

Silence.

"Ahhhhh." Snape started to sleep...

_squelookle..._

dumbledore walked in. "What are you doing sevster?"

"FUCKING PIPES"

Snape was suspended from teaching for a week.

**14- Sing-Song**

"Everyone!" said Draco, in a potions lesson. Before Snape could issue detention, he said "And-a 1, 2, 123 GO!"

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape" chanted the class. This carried on for about half the lesson

A/N- I admit that this one's probably not as funny, but this actually happened to my maths class. Our teacher was livid by the end.

15- Oh, Really?

"Sir, Why were you in my house last night?"

"Uh... I wasn't?"

"Ooooh, Sir! So... We think he likes Lucius a little more that he should!"

"NO!" said Snape. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNO_" he went bright red.

**16- Bananas**

"Miss Granger, do you know the properties of moonstone?"

"Yes, We Have No Bananas."

"Miss Granger, Do you want a detention?"

"No, We have no Bananas."

"Miss Granger?"

"Bananas?"

"MISS GRANGER, SHUT UP"

Hermione nodded. "Bananas" she said solemnly.

**17- Remember me? (because I thought it was time one of them was caught)**

"And they are anonymous, right?"

"Yes, Granger, they are anonymous."

"Good. Give me the first one." Draco handed her a small piece of parchment, with Girly, Bubbly, nothing-like-Granger's handwriting.

_Do you remember me, Severus? Do you remember that time? Do you rember that Broom Cupboard? Do you remember my seventh-year?_

Draco Sniggered. He placed the note on the desk.

"What do you think you're doing Mr. Malfoy?"

"Oh, Um, Professor...I was... Delivering a note from a family friend?"

"Ah. May I read it?" *reads* *glares* "DETENTION, MR. MALFOY! I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM HER AGAIN, YOU WILL NOT DELIVER ANY LETTERS FROM HER EVER AGAIN, YOU WILL TELL HER IT'S NOT MINE, AND I AM DEAD"

"Sir?"

"What?"

"It was a ...Joke, Sir."

"!"

**18-Enchanted (for a school of magic, there's surprisingly little magic around.)**

Hermione pointed her wand at Snape. He straightened up from where he was testing Nevilles potion. Hermione ignored the fact that she probably just saved his life.

"So, Do you have anything to say, Sir?" Asks Malfoy

"I..." he scratched his head "I...I'm a...Little...TEAPOT! I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my handle, here's my spout..." Snape sang through the rest of the lesson.

**19- Rabbits. (**due to overdose of the book 'Of Mice And Men')

"Sir?" asked Harry, One potions lesson.

"ARGH!" said Snape, Turning around.

"Sir?"

"Why is there...a...Talking Rabbit in my classroom? I HATE Rabbits! I banish them all!" Snape walked around all the students, flapping his hands and saying "Shoo"

The room was laughing so much, everyone missed Draco slowly hiding his wand back up his sleeve.

**20- He's Mad! (for blackadder fans)**

"Ready, Granger?"

"Yep."

"Ready, Potter?"

"Yep."

"Potter, You distract him, and I'll Do the charm" Draco said.

"Kay" said Harry.

Hermione grinned.

Snape walked down the corridor.

"Sir? I was wondering..."

"Now, Malfoy, Now!" said Hermine. Draco Pointed his wand at Snape's head.

When snape entered his classroom, He had underpants on his head, a pencil up each nostril (although he probably could've fitted two) and he could only say 'Wibble'

A/N- Well? I should be revising, so if I fail my exams, It's you're fault!

Any ideas? If you wanna write me a section and PM it to me, Feel Free.


	5. 5! Teachers

A/N- yeah, it's been a while... *sheepish look*... exams... revision...*insert more lame excuses here*... Here we go... Ways to annoy teachers

1- McGonnagal (- look, a non-snape one! XD)

"Hermione."... "Hermione."... "Hermione!"

"What, Malfoy?"

"...I'm Bored"

"Well amuse yourself, then!"

"How?"

"I dunno, we're in transfiguration, turn Harry into a teapot or something."

"Oi!" Harry butted in.

"Sorry, Harry."

"Oooh, I know."... "Professor?"

"Yes, Mr Malfoy?"

"You're not fooling anyone you know."

"What, Mr Malfoy?"

"Your hair. You can't have that many wrinkles, and not have grey hair."

"... Detention, Mr Malfoy." She said, as laughter pooled around the classroom.

2-Hagrid

In the darkness of Hagrids Cabin.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz"

"Eugh, it's disgusting, I tell you."

"Malfoy, Shhh!"

"What? It's not as if he's gonna wake up."

"I know, but just shhh!"

"Ugh! Look! There's bits of food and everything!"

"I'm nearly done. You?"

"Yeah, finished."

"Good. No, don't throw the packet in the bin here, he'll see. Best if he thinks it's natural."

"Good idea."

"I know."

So Malfoy took the florescent orange permanent hair dye packet, and threw it in the bin in professor Snape's classroom, as incriminating evidence.

3- Dumbledore

The great hall was buzzing with noise, as it usually was halfway through dinner. Well, it was. Until Draco Malfoy got up from his seat, and slowly and purposefully walked up to the Teacher's table and stood in front of Dumbledore. He was well-prepared for this, as he and Hermione had spent every waking moment charming televisions showing only potter puppet pals to follow the teachers and students around. He waited for silence.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Is it naked time?"

4- Lucius Malfoy

Hermione had discovered a talent of hers. It seems she was a good artist, although she hid this from the rest of the school. This is why, when very large drawings of Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape being... intimate... were posted around the school signed with the name 'Gertrude Von Anklesvinger', no-one blamed Hermione. Something for which she was very glad.

5- Voldemort

Voldemort was not a happy bunny. Hermione and Draco, on the other hand, were. They'd found a website. A muggle website. A muggle dating website. A muggle dating website who happened to have Dolores Jane Umbridge as a member. A muggle dating website that they'd convinced to send updates on Dolores Jane Umbridge, to a very unhappy Tom Marvolo Riddle.

Now you see why Voldemort was not a happy bunny.

6- Snape.

Hermione was pleased with herself, and her powers of persuasion.

She'd managed to persuade just about every student to write a three page essay on their favourite Defence against the dark arts teacher, and give them to Hermione.

Who'd, of course, sent them, via owl, straight to snape.

7- Slughorn (A/N yes, again, but this one I couldn't resist)

Slughorn talked a lot more than normal. Well, he talked a lot more than normal when students were around.

You want to know the reason?

Everytime there was a scilence, a whisper would go round the class, usually started by Hermione or Draco, and in unison, the class would chant "Sir, What do you know about horcruxes?"

8- Voldemort

"My Lord?"

"Yes, Lucius?"

"My son... My son would like me to ask you why you have no nose?"

9- Snape

"Sir?"

"Yes Draco"

"I have an impromptu assignment I would like to hand in."

"Should I be worried, Draco?"

"no, of course not, sir."

But he should, because as soon as Malfoy handed him the assignment, he ran like hell. Snape raised one eyebrow, before daring to look at the title.

'_Reasons Why James Potter Was Better For Lily Evans Than Severus Snape Would've Been'_

10- Ronald Weasley.

Lavender Brown, as usual, sat next to Ron at breakfast.

"Um, Ron..."

"Yes, Lav, I know, just ignore it."

"but... You're hair's on fire, Ron."

"Yes, Lavender, I know, Just ignore it."

"But... People are toasting marshmallows on it, Ron."

"..."

A/N- Yeah, I know, they're all short and sweet, and probably not funny. If you enjoyed them, leave a review. If you hated them, leave CONSTRUCTIVE critisism. If you're indifferent, review.

Basically, REVIEW, People!

Thanks to the people who helped me with finding that fic. :) thumbs up to you: Silverus Malfoy and whoever left the anonymous review ficyouwerelookingfor. I really appreciate it!


	6. 6!  Bellatrix

A/N- This one's for Maggie, you beautiful anonymous person, you. :). All I can say was that this was a great idea, and I apologise if I mess it up in anyway possible, and I hope that you, and any other readers, of course, but mainly you, enjoy it. Oh, and i've taken the liberty of making the graffiti magical, I hope you don't mind.

The shadows fell on the cell floor, creating a dark mist that rose to Bellatrix' waist. Not that it mattered much, of course. She spent most of her time sitting on the floor, obscured by the black void.

Until one morning, that is, when a guard knocked on her cell. No kidding, he actually knocked.

"Mrs Lestrange, May I interrupt your thoughts for a second to present you with your mail." 

"Tch, no, you may not."

"Can you help me out by signing-"

"Sure, I can help you out. The door's that way." she tried too keep what little

"Now, now, Mrs Lestrange, I was only trying to be nice, If you prefer, I can call the dementors in, and you'll have a little more persuasion."

"What am I signing?"

"Right here, please."... Please. It had been so long since anyone had been nice to her.

"of course." she snatched the quill from him, forgetting for a second that it already had ink on the tip, and managed to cover her face in little splodges of black. The Guard guffawed loudly. Didn't he know who he was speaking to? She had been one of lord voldemort's right hand people, and he thought he had the right to laugh at her! Tsk, shame on him.

She nearly said this, but instead snarled and snatched the (very large) cylindrical package out of his hands, and opened it, revealing what looked like a carpet.

Upon unrolling it, she found that it wasn't.

"Oh, My." she said, "Did you do this? Is this your idea of a joke? Is this any way to treat a second of the dark lord himself!" she screeched.

"No, it wasn't me. No, but it is quite funny, and yes, actually, it's payback without being payback. I shalll have to congratulate those kids."

"Kids?"

"What about them?"

Bellatrix let out a low growl.

It was the Black family tapestry. Well, it had been once. Now it was... ruined.

It wasn't even ruined properly.

It was ruined _magically._

The first portrait she saw was Lucius Malfoy. Her eyes widened in horror. Someone had charmed the picture. Lucius Malfoy was wearing a pink gingham dress. With pigtails. Tied with ribbons. Pink ribbons.

She had to physically clam herself. She pressed her lips together, and closed her eyes tightly, breathing in through her nose, out through her mouth.

Narcissa Malfoy... Had orange hair. And a nose stud. But even worse than that... she was _smiling._

Shock, Horror.

The tapestry's version of Draco Malfoy had died his hair black, decided to get snakebites, and taken a liking to eyeliner.

Bellatrix herself, had a book in hand, hair tied back neatly, black thick framed glasses perched on her nose. And someone had decided to put make up on her. Very girly make up. Like barbie-pink lipstick. She shivered at the sight.

And her husband... poor Rodolphus. As if changing her image wasn't enough, the culprit(s) had chosen to make Rodolphus wear an oversized tracksuit. And a baseball cap, placed on his head lightly, so it only rested there. The rim of it was twisted, so it covered only one half of his face. As Bellatrix watched, he folded his arms and smirked at her, gangsta style.

Oh dear.

The guard, who was still there, spoke up.

"Well, Mrs Lestrange, do you want me to put it up on the wall for you?"

She was going to _kill_ that man.

_Fin_

So? You like?

A/N- littlebunnyfoofoo, I haven't forgotton you! I just need you to be more specific, as I'm really having trouble writing it! Please either PM or email me- adress on my profile page – and give me some ideas, because I'm so stuck it's unbelievable.

Ta very much. :)


End file.
